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Donald Jeffries: Profile of Empowered Leadership
The Next 20 Years – The Maturity Phase of Our MovementDuring the first 20 years, our focus in the New Mexico men’s movement has been on changing men’s relationships to themselves, on loving their inner child, on being positive about our maleness, and on bonding with other men. While these are admirable objectives that were critical to the progress of the Movement, what we failed to sufficiently incorporate was sensitivity to diversity and the issues faced by men who are not heterosexual middle and upper class professional white males, the primary attendees of our annual conference. I would propose that that is our challenge in this maturity phase of our movement: to be open to learning how we, as men who have learned how to bond, can move beyond our class, race, and gender orientation limitations and thereby ensure that the men’s movement survives as a vibrant concept. Without such openness to change, our movement will continue to survive only as a ‘marginal’ cultural construct. Personally, I’m dissatisfied with that; that’s the reason I have been working on the creation of the Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute here in St. Louis. It’s not enough for me to want to change, or for me to want people “just like me” to change, I want to do nothing less than change the world. I want men all across the nation and eventually the world to embrace the concepts and strengths of men’s wellness. But in order for that to happen, we have to create a “big circle”, that is inclusive of issues faced by men of ALL races, economic classes, gender orientations, and cultures, not simply the rather narrow closed circle that we have inadvertently constructed at the NM Men’s Wellness Conference. As I noted in my comments Sunday morning at the 2004 conference, as an example we use the symbols and instruments of Native American ritual at Ghost Ranch — clan circles, drums, concepts of Native American spirituality — yet we have rarely had Native American representation at our gatherings. I think it’s important that we assertively invite more Native American — and Hispanic, African American and Asian men — to our conference, with scholarship assistance, to ensure that our movement is experienced by men’s of many different diverse cultures. In the process, the men who have heretofore been the beneficiaries of this movement in New Mexico will learn how to be more open and embracing of other cultural constructs of masculinity, and males of other groups can enrich our mutual traditions. In the process, hopefully we will learn how to use those Native American rituals in a more culturally sensitive manner, one that works alongside and with Native Americans rather than simply borrows from those men. Further, I would stress that, as George Lakoff and other linguists have pointed out, “language constructs reality”. What we say and how we say it, even when telling jokes (maybe even more important then, given how jokes can often be hurtful, mean, and even vicious to various groups), is critical for creating the kind of “welcoming environment” where men of many diverse cultures and those facing multiple emotional issues can feel comfortable in attending the “sacred space” of our conference. This doesn’t negate humor; lightness is always welcome and necessary to relieve the stress of life as a man. But some language that has been used among us at our gatherings is simply inappropriate in a gathering that prides itself on the creation of a “sacred space” for men to deal with their innermost pain and need for male bonding. That “sacred space” (and I propose that this include the whole of the conference) should not include inappropriate sexist, homophobic, racist, sexually abusive language. What we say does construct the reality that we live and as “men on the road to emotional wellness” is it critical that we be aware of this linguistic environment. The way our gatherings are presently constructed gay men, male survivors of sexual abuse, and men of diverse, non-white cultures are not and cannot feel comfortable, in spite of all our ‘talk’ about wanting their inclusion. Even if we are able to successfully encourage their attendance, they will not be willing to return a second time, after being subjected to such ‘loose sexist/racist/homophobic’ language that is used by some of the participants at the conference, and many of us at various points when we lack the most important “critical consciousness” necessary for such sensitivity. Upon the beginning of our second 20 years and the maturity phase of the NM Men’s Wellness Movement, let’s embrace change with open arms. Our brothers should expect nothing less from us. (Please be aware that, having become an elder at the 2004 Conference, I will submit articles to Man Alive, on a continuing basis, to propose methods of addressing these concerns. In the process, I hope to suggest pathways of moving toward “the new man” that I believe men’s wellness could and in fact should be.) Follow-up Article: Improving The New Mexico Men’s Wellness MovementIn my previous article, The Next 20 Years, I challenged my fellow participants at the New Mexico Men’s Wellness Conference [NMMWC] to formulate a renewed men’s movement which would incorporate the lessons learned in the larger society’s struggles. I noted it was no longer enough for us to work on ‘inner-child’ and ‘male bonding’ issues, important as they are, but that we need to grow as a movement by stretching our envelopes and including lessons learned in the antiracism, feminist, gay liberation, and civil rights revolutions. As such, I feel it is time that we revisit our rationale for the annual conference, and implement some changes that will allow us to grow as men and truly attain a more mature level of ‘men’s emotional wellness’. In that regard, I offer the following suggestions concerning a ‘new and improved’ NMMWC and New Mexico men’s movement. (1) Increase the coverage of the men’s movement in New Mexico: Presently, our primary impact is on Santa Fe, Albuquerque, and Las Cruces, with some affect on Taos, via the Northern NM Men’s Center. Contrary to the Santa Fe-Albuquerque-Las Cruces-centric view of the world, much of New Mexico does not know about the men’s movement and many people are out there who want to know more. New Mexico is a poor state economically, but I’m fairly sure there exist some resources, including local foundations, that could fund a program to go around the state giving educational workshops on men’s wellness. We could work on funding an individual to do just this on a regular basis, making a special point to talk to areas of the state not usually affected by our movement. I did this, in part, when I had a contract with the State of New Mexico in 1997-98, as the Shaken Baby Syndrome Training Coordinator. I realized how that contract was a perfect vehicle for spreading the message about men’s wellness, given that 70% of the perpetrators were males, and 60% of the victims were male children. In the process, I became one the ‘de facto’ spokespersons for the men’s movement statewide. I discovered that there is a serious thirst for information about men’s wellness all around New Mexico, and that men in small towns throughout the state wanted to form men’s groups in their areas. Back in the mid-1990’s, when I was President of Men’s Network Press, we were talking about seeking funding for a ‘mobile exhibit’ on men’s wellness, healthy fatherhood, and the apprenticeship of younger males into healthy adult manhood. It’s time to move beyond the discussion phase into actively seeking that funding and creating such an exhibit. And it’s time to begin promoting men’s groups throughout all of New Mexico, to include Gallup, Farmington, Roswell, Carlsbad, Ruidoso, Alamogordo, Tucumcari, Clayton, and other areas that have previously been unaffected by our important message. We can begin with the urban centers and then move on, once we’re stronger, to the rural areas. (2) Actively encourage the participation of gay men and men of color: Simply saying that we want men from diverse backgrounds is not enough. To truly ensure that non-hetero, nonwhite males attend the Conference, we must engage in outreach to the community, to organizations such as Common Bond, the Southwest Organizing Project, NAACP, and to Native American tribal and pueblo agencies throughout the state. Additionally, we need to increase both the number of scholarships available to gay men and men of color, as well as establish a ‘numerical goal’ for increased participation. I’m not talking about a ‘quota’, but rather a directed intent to increase the number of men in these groups who are in attendance at our conference. (3) Promote a set of ‘guidelines’ for the Conference: The NMMWC is one of the few conferences of its variety that I have ever attended that does not have a printed ‘suggested [behavioral] guidelines for participants’. Frankly, I see that as a deficit. It’s not that we have to ‘police’ the behavior of participants, but I do believe that it’s important that we make it clear to all the participants that this Conference should be a “safe, sacred space” for ALL the men who are in attendance. Such guidelines would include emphasis upon care in ‘use of language’, due consideration to the cultural sensitivities and personal issues of other participants, and would take note of how certain kinds of ‘humor’ is mean-spirited and undermining of the ‘sacred space’ that we are trying to create at our gathering. (4) Appointment of official Monitors at the conference: These Monitors would be persons who had been trained to:
We could either designate several individuals to handle all these issues, or designate different individuals to handle each task separately, rotating the people engaged in this each year (so that more people are trained in these techniques). It would be critical to make sure everyone at the conference knew whom these persons were; hence it would be important for them to have an ‘official capacity’. I stress that I’m not talking about “enforcement of political correctness”, which frankly I believe has gotten so out-of-hand as to be ridiculous. But I am talking about exercising due consideration for the sensitivities of participants, so that the conference is a safe place for ALL the participants, not just men who have attended in the past. (5) Self-monitoring of ‘language’ and ‘jokes’: I noted in my original article that certain kinds of language used at this conference created an ‘unsafe space’ for gay men and men of color. From the first years I attended the conference, and when I returned last year after a 10-year absence, there continues to be a distinct ‘allowance’ of homophobic, misogynistic, racist, and ethnic ‘jokes’ being told at the conference, especially during the ‘Talent Night’. Gay men and men of color simply will not attend our conference (or will not return if they do attend) if we continue to allow such vitriolic and incendiary language to be used at the conference. Plus, such ‘humor’ violates any reasonable sense that our conference is a place where “mature growth in men’s emotional wellness” can or will take place. Hence, in addition to the designation of Monitors, I believe that it is equally important that individual men who are participants at our conferences ‘self-monitor’ their own language and do some serious self-examination before telling what they believe is a ‘funny joke’, when in fact that ‘joke’ is hurtful and constitutes an assault upon the cultural and sexual sensitivities of other men attending the conference. These ideas will initiate the process of maturation of our men’s movement in a direction that supports and takes recognition of the social realities in the larger community. We cannot, as a movement, continue to allow ourselves to be marginalized due to our own “group think” or personally accepted limitations. In order for our men’s movement to grow, we must be willing to incorporate strategies which allow us to affect, positively, the destinies of many different kinds of men. ‘Down the road’ it would be important for us to focus on economic class and ‘status’ distinctions, physical disability, and child and sexual abuse issues, but making the above-suggested changes will move us forward. We have a powerful and important message - it’s time now to ‘package’ it in such a way that not only are others positively influenced by it, but in a way that we, ourselves, are deeply affected by it. Donald Jeffries |
